how do i get my confidence back

Pregnancy alters many aspects of a woman’s life. Not only were you blessed with a child, but your body also underwent significant changes.

With pregnancy weight gain, stretch marks, and loose skin, it’s easy to see how women can lose confidence in themselves.

A lack of self-confidence affects not only how you perceive yourself, but it can also affect…

What others think of you
What others are treating you
Your overall perspective of yourself and life
Your psychological well-being

Psychologists discovered a significant link between low confidence and motherhood in a long-term study of mothers in the Netherlands between 1996 and 2008.

Over 84,000 women filled out questionnaires multiple times during pregnancy, after birth, and up to 36 months later.

The lengthy results revealed a cringe-worthy pattern: confidence declines during pregnancy, increases six months postpartum, then declines further and continues to decline.

Women had low confidence three years after giving birth, on top of a steady decline in confidence after six months.  Three years!  In other words, if you’re struggling with low self-esteem or confidence, you’re in good company with mothers all over the world!

Your decisions, fears, and dreams are all influenced by your level of self-assurance. If you’re a woman or mother who lacks self-esteem, it’s time to boost your confidence!

Stop asking yourself: How do I get my confidence back?  Start with these 15 tips to regain yourself self-esteem!

How Do I Get My Confidence Back?

Look after Yourself

It wasn’t difficult to jump in the shower, take a relaxing bath, style your hair, or apply makeup before you had children.  But, let’s be honest…

When you have a baby, your self-care takes a hit.  Now that you’re a mother, your children’s needs always come first.

Taking care of yourself physically and mentally is just as important as looking after your children.  Someone recently contacted me and inquired about my self-care routine. This question made me feel embarrassed.

When your self-care suffers, so does your confidence!

Consider it…. Do you feel good about yourself when you don’t shower or take care of your own needs? I believe you said “no” to that!

You must begin to consider self-care, which is equally important to your children. Improved self-care on a daily basis will boost your confidence.

Here’s a quick list of self-care activities you can do on a daily basis:

-Use shampoo and conditioner to wash your hair (not just dry shampoo)
-Treat yourself to a facial
-Put on makeup 
-Put on clean clothes
-Brush your teeth

Create a List

Do you struggle to think of positive things to say about yourself? Why not sit down and make a list of advantages and disadvantages?

A pros and cons list is a list of your good and bad qualities. Always keep in mind that there should be an equal number of positives and negatives.  It will not help you if you include only negative aspects of yourself on the list.

The purpose of a pros and cons list is to highlight positive aspects of yourself. If you have low self-esteem, making a list will remind you of all the things you are great at!

Focus on the positive aspects of yourself to boost your self-esteem.

But what about the negative characteristics you’re mentioning? Consider ways to transform those negative characteristics into positive ones.

As an example…

Pro: I am a very caring individual.

Con: I’m not very good at staying in touch with others.

How did you turn this con into a pro? Instead of isolating yourself, reach out to friends you haven’t spoken to in a long time and call, text, or meet with them.

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Quit Listening to Negative The Negative Voices

You understand what I mean. That nagging voice in the back of your mind that constantly criticizes you.  This negative inner monologue in your head is destroying your self-esteem!

Every day, those negative thoughts creep in and prevent you from reaching your full potential. When answering the question about how do I get my confidence back, this is the most difficult to task to complete on this list!

Take a deep breath and force yourself to stop when you notice your mind rambling on and on with negative thoughts.

Distract yourself from your negative thoughts.  Listening to upbeat music helps me to overcome negative thinking.  You can even invite your children to a dance party to help them burn off excess energy and reduce negative thinking.

Do Not Contrast Yourself With Others

Have you ever seen a mother who appears to be perfect? You know who I’m talking about… All of her children’s sandwiches are cut into heart and star shapes. She’s always baking cookies.

She was taking her children to dance recitals. She’s the mom who never yells and returns to her pre-baby body immediately after delivery…

You see a “perfect” mom like that and you start to doubt your own mothering abilities and appearance? That’s because you’re comparing yourself to other women.  Don’t measure yourself against other women. Every woman is unique, and no one is perfect!

When you compare yourself to others, your self-esteem suffers.

how do i get my confidence back

Continue To Dream Even After Failure

A ‘giving up’ attitude results from a lack of self-confidence. Individuals who are self-assured can fail at a task and still persevere.  If you failed at a task or dream, ignore your failure and try again.

Moms everywhere suffer as a result of not pursuing an exercise routine to achieve the body of our dreams after having a baby. We put things off. We make excuses for ourselves.

When we finally get to the gym and exercise, we’re beyond sore from pushing ourselves too far.  Then, we decide that physical exercise is something you can’t do. As a result, it is regarded as a failure.

In this situation, take it easy on yourself. Instead of believing you can’t achieve your ideal body, heal up and exercise frequently to avoid muscle soreness or failure.

Always try again if you have previously failed!

Begin Small

In addition to pursuing a dream after failure, it is critical to reduce your risk of failure. How exactly can you lower your failure risk?

You can set smaller objectives.  Perhaps you perceive yourself as failing at a task because your goals are too lofty.

While it is wonderful to have big dreams, they do not come true overnight.  Set small goals instead of focusing on the overall goal you want to achieve.

For example, you might want to lose 20 pounds in three months to boost your self-esteem. That is a lofty goal.  Yes, you are capable of doing so. However, if you do not lose 20 pounds in three months, you will be disappointed.

Instead, set a smaller goal of losing 5 pounds first to reduce the likelihood of a large goal failure.


Yes, exercising after having a baby is the obvious way to lose weight and gain self-confidence. However, exercise has incredible benefits for your overall mental health as well as your physical health.

Exercise can help…

-Elevate depression to improve your mood
-Improve energy levels by increasing muscle and bone strength.
-Reduce your disease risk, promote skin health, and improve your memory
-Assist you in relaxing
-Improve your sex life by reducing pain

On top of all of these advantages, you boost your self-esteem. Include an easy workout routine in your schedule that you believe you can complete.

You can always strap your child into a baby carrier and go for a walk to get some extra exercise. Do you have an unsavory habit? Then change it by setting small goals to eliminate it or discontinue the habit entirely.

Bad habits like…

-Too much TV watching from the couch
-Constantly eating out
-Excessive drinking

…can have a negative impact on your life These negative effects then begin to undermine your self-esteem.  For example, if you have a bad habit of eating fast food all the time, you may start to gain weight.

Those extra pounds you’ve gained may begin to undermine your self-esteem and sap your energy levels. It’s a never-ending cycle.

Break the cycle by quitting your bad habit!


For many people, making the commitment to volunteer becomes a matter of time. Between work, family, and personal life, there don’t seem to be enough hours in the day.

Finding even an hour a week to volunteer to help those in need will have a huge impact on your self-esteem and overall health!

Volunteering gives you a sense of accomplishment because you are helping others. You can connect with others in your community and find joy with this pride.  Volunteering gives you a sense of accomplishment and joy, which boosts your self-esteem.

Acquire A New Skill

Self-confidence isn’t just about how you look on the outside. Learning a new skill can boost your confidence.  You nourish your mind when you learn a new skill or gain competence. What kind of skill do you want to learn?

Nowadays, almost anything can be learned from the comfort of your own home.  Jump on your computer and take free online courses from prestigious universities across the country to learn a new skill.

I think it’s a good idea to learn how to code now that I’ve built and run Pitter Patter of Baby Feet. This winter, while I’m snowed in at home, I plan to take online courses to learn how to code.

Complete a Task

Do you procrastinate? Don’t be sorry. Many people procrastinate on projects and other daily tasks. Including myself!  Finally completing a task is a simple way to boost your self-esteem.

Looking around your house for tasks you’ve been putting off for far too long is a quick way to boost your self-esteem.

Wash and fold those clothes piles in the laundry room.

Collect used clothing and shoes to donate to charity.

Complete the separation and coordination of your child’s toys in order to create a toy rotation system.

Finish whatever task you need to complete and regain your confidence!

Keep Your Living Area Clean

There is never a time when you are not picking up toys when you have children. However, the clutter and chaos may begin to have a negative impact on your self-esteem.

When your home is not clean or comfortable, you will begin to doubt your ability to manage a household. It is critical that you feel at ease and relaxed in your own home.

So gather as many toys as possible. Vacuum the living room quickly. Then stand up and be proud of yourself for completing a task that had been overwhelming you!

Avoid Being Negative

We’ve all met those people who are always bringing drama. Even if it isn’t your drama and negativity. Others bringing their negativity to you can cause you unnecessary stress and anxiety.  You can only hear about your coworker’s broken heart from another heartbreaking breakup so many times.

Save your sanity and stay away from negativity!  Avoid situations or people who put you down or cause unnecessary stress.

 Spend More Time With Those Who Mean The Most To You

Spend time with people who encourage you! Loved ones who support and encourage you will help you build the self-confidence you work so hard to maintain.

Making a list of people who encourage and love you the most is the best way to avoid negativity and spend more time with loved ones. Make a list of people or situations that make you stressed and anxious.

Spend less time with the people you listed as negative. Instead, spend your time uplifting positive people in your life! Your mind, heart, and self-esteem will be grateful!

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Purchase a New Wardrobe

This may appear to be a little self-serving, but your clothes have a lot to do with your self-esteem. Have you ever purchased a new outfit that made you feel great?

You can have that feeling every day with a new wardrobe! When was the last time you purchased new clothes for yourself? Not for your kid, but for yourself! As a mother, I understand.

Your child is constantly dressed in new clothes, while you are still wearing your maternity underwear from two years ago. I am aware because I am this mother! Wearing clothes that fit properly, are comfortable, and look good on you is essential for regaining your confidence after having a baby.

You are not required to purchase a new wardrobe all at once. Begin small. Buy a shirt one week and a new pair of jeans the next. This way, you don’t risk blowing your budget on clothing.

This is a simple way for me to regain my self-esteem.


Many women all over the world struggle with self-esteem after having a baby. Our bodies change after we give birth. Our weight and hormone levels fluctuate. Our needs come second, and the needs of our children come first.

When we prioritize everyone else’s needs over our own, our self-esteem suffers. You, however, do not have to live with low self-esteem! It doesn’t have to be difficult to regain your confidence after having a baby.

So if you’re still asking yourself: How do I get my confidence back after having a baby?  Just start working down the list of things to try above to boost your self-esteem!

Works Cited

Volunteering and its unexpected benefits

10 Habits You Didn’t Know Were Dangerous to Your Health

The top ten advantages of regular exercise

Having children reduces a woman’s self-esteem for at least three years.

Increasing self-esteem and confidence

10 ways to boost your self-esteem

5 effective ways to boost your self-esteem

10 things you can do to boost your self-esteem

6 confidence boosters for new moms